SpongeBob is what????

Dear American Family Association,

I want to thank you so much for making me aware that SpongeBob Squarepants is a homosexual. My gaydard didn’t pick up any gay vibes from him. Oh, my God! SpongeBob’s gay waves have neutralized my gaydard! Maybe you’re right. He just might be gay. Now I understand why my son has taken up playing with Barbie Dolls and listening to Indigo Girls CD’s. Starting today SpongeBob is no longer allowed in my house.

By the way, can you add the following to your list of gay cartoon characters:

1. Elmer Fund

2. Vanity Smurf

3. Woody Woodpecker

4. GI Joe

As soon as I come up with more I’ll let you know. And, by the way, if you can’t tell, I’m being sarcastic. How in the world did you determine SpongeBob is gay? In fact, why do you have that must idle time to come up with such a lame determination? SpongeBob is not gay; everyone knows Squairdward is gay, with his fancy music and pretty art. If you’re going to accuse cartoon charters of being gay, please out the right one. Better yet, keep your pie holes shut. I’ve already wasted valuable time writing a response to this news article when I should be playing Madden 2005, or doing other non-gay things. This heterosexual says back off from SpongeBob. He did nothing to you, and probably never will because....he is a cartoon character.

 

http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/TV/01/20/sponge.bob.reut/index.html

 

Christians issue gay warning on SpongeBob video

Conservative groups criticize maker's 'tolerance pledge'

LOS ANGELES, California (Reuters) -- Conservative Christian groups accuse the makers of a video starring SpongeBob SquarePants, Barney and a host of other cartoon characters of promoting homosexuality to children.

The wacky square yellow SpongeBob is one of the stars of a music video due to be sent to 61,000 U.S. schools in March. The makers -- the nonprofit We Are Family Foundation -- say the video is designed to encourage tolerance and diversity.

But at least two Christian activist groups say the innocent cartoon characters are being exploited to promote the acceptance of homosexuality.

"A short step beneath the surface reveals that one of the differences being celebrated is homosexuality," wrote Ed Vitagliano in an article for the American Family Association.

The video is a remake of the 1979 hit song "We Are Family" using the voices and images of SpongeBob, Barney, Winnie the Pooh, Bob the Builder, the Rugrats and other TV cartoon characters. It was made by a foundation set up by songwriter Nile Rodgers after the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, in an effort to promote healing.

Christian groups however have taken exception to the tolerance pledge on the foundation's Web site, which asks people to respect the sexual identity of others along with their abilities, beliefs, culture and race.

"Their inclusion of the reference to 'sexual identity" within their 'tolerance pledge' is not only unnecessary, but it crosses a moral line," James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, said in a statement released Thursday.

Rodgers said he was astounded by the attack.

"That is so myopic and harsh," he told Reuters. "You have really got to look hard to find anything in this that is offensive to anyone. The last thing I am going to do is taint these characters."

Dobson was quoted by the New York Times on Thursday as having singled out the wildly popular SpongeBob during remarks about the video at dinner this week in Washington, D.C.

SpongeBob, who lives in a pineapple under the sea, was "outed" by the U.S. media in 2002 after reports that the TV show and its merchandise are popular with gays. His creator, Stephen Hillenburg, said at the time that though SpongeBob was an oddball, he thought of all the characters in the show as asexual.

It is not the first time that children's TV favorites have come under the critical spotlight of the Christian right. In 1999, the Rev. Jerry Falwell described Tinky Winky, the purse-toting purple Teletubbie, as a gay role model.

Life Imitating Art, Sort of

A few years ago a movie came out called "Runaway Jury", in which a jury member conspired to rig a trail.  While this is not a really good comparison, it's about as close to reality mirroring fiction as one hope we will ever get to, not to mention it just plain funny:

Attorney meets the 'jury pool from hell'

MEMPHIS, Tennessee (AP) -- Defense attorney Leslie Ballin called it the "jury pool from hell."

The group of prospective jurors was summoned to listen to a case of Tennessee trailer park violence.

Right after jury selection began last week, one man got up and left, announcing, "I'm on morphine and I'm higher than a kite."

When the prosecutor asked if anyone had been convicted of a crime, a prospective juror said that he had been arrested and taken to a mental hospital after he almost shot his nephew. He said he was provoked because his nephew just would not come out from under the bed.

Another would-be juror said he had had alcohol problems and was arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover officer. "I should have known something was up," he said. "She had all her teeth."

Another prospect volunteered he probably should not be on the jury: "In my neighborhood, everyone knows that if you get Mr. Ballin (as your lawyer), you're probably guilty." He was not chosen.

The case involved a woman accused of hitting her brother's girlfriend in the face with a brick. Ballin's client was found not guilty.

 

http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/01/18/shallow.jury.pool.ap/index.html

Standing In Line At Wal-Mart

Sometimes I wonder why people do the stupid things they do. Is it human nature? DNA? A combination or both, or are they simply morons? You’d think that in this day in age of advanced technology and space travel more people would have common sense and not do dumb things.

One day, after a long day at work, I stopped at my local Wal-Mart Supercenter to make a few purchases. I get to the checkout line only to get caught behind "that" person. You know the type; the type that argues over the price of every item they buy, ocassionlay holding a flyer for a competing store, trying in vain to get the cashier to mark an item down.

Forget the fact that this is Wal-Mart we’re talking about. You have to either have too much time on your hands, or you’re just a moron, for arguing about their prices. Get over yourself and get out of my line.

Getting back to checkout line; this woman had a flyer in her hand, arguing over the price of every item she had. I can’t remember exactly what she bought, I do remember this: she had a Target flyer, and...most important of all....she was wearing a Target uniform.

Are you kidding me? Why is Target worker holding me up in line at Wal-Mart, arguing about the cheaper prices at the store she works at? Did it occur to her that maybe it would have made more sense to buy her things at Target instead of going to Wal-Mart? That’s like Burger King worker going to McDonald’s, trying to get them to drop the price of a BigMac when they can easily buy a Whopper whenever they want.

I have to admit my jaw dropped when I saw that she was wearing a Target uniform in a Wal-Mart. I think there’s an unwritten rule that you’re not suppose to do that. Obviously this rocket scientist didn’t get the memo. In the end I just let it go. Why get angry over something as trivial as this? There are more important things I need to worry about, such as Global Warming, Super Bowl Halftime Shows, and that whole Flava Flav-Briggite Nelisen thing (freaky, freaky). So, go on Target worker. Hold me up in line at Wal-Mart as much as you want. Next time I go to Target I’ll make sure my bring my Wal-Mart flyer.

 

Are you kidding me?

Let me preface the following; I dislike reality TV.  I'll admit that I have enjoyed watching some reality programs (i.e. the first season of "The Real World"), but over the years reality TV has lost some of it's reality.  "Who Wants To Marry A Millionare"? "The Swan", "Fear Factor"; the list goes on.

Today I found the following story on CNN.com, about a man in Ohio who is sueing NBC for an episode of "Fear Factor" that caused him to become "dizzy and lightheaded" and hurt himself.  Are you kidding me?   Which is worse: this guy watching "Fear Factor"  or the fact that the show mad him so ill that he hurt himself???  

Exactly what was he expecting to happen on this show?  It's "Fear Factor", not "Masterpiece Theater".  Only in the U.S can someone sue for something as lame as this.  Obvioulsy this person has never heard for a remote, or a book.  Either way, he is a loser, and I hope the judge has the common sense to throw out this case:

 

http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/TV/01/07/tv.fearfactor.lawsuit.ap/index.html

 

'Fear Factor' sued for rat-eating episode Viewer contends show caused him 'injury and great pain'

CLEVELAND, Ohio (AP) -- A viewer is suing NBC for $2.5 million, contending that he threw up because of a "Fear Factor" episode in which contestants ate rats mixed in a blender.

Austin Aitken told The Associated Press he watches "Fear Factor" often and had no problem with past installments where the reality show's participants ate worms and insects in pursuit of a $50,000 prize -- but eating rats went "too far."

"It's barbaric, some of the things they ask these individuals to do," Aitken said Thursday.

Aitken's handwritten lawsuit contends the rat-eating made his blood pressure rise, resulting in being dizzy and lightheaded -- and vomiting. Because he was disoriented he ran into a doorway, "causing suffering, injury and great pain."

Asked why he didn't shut off his television before the rat-eating segment, Aitken said he couldn't do it quick enough.

NBC responded with a brief statement: "We believe that the claim is completely without merit."

Aitken, a 49-year-old part-time paralegal, said he wants to send a message to NBCand other networks with the lawsuit. He said he isn't concerned with winning a cash judgment in court.

"I just put any figure. You really think I expect to get $2.5 million?" he said.

Happy New Year

"Time has no divisions to mark its passage, there is never a thunderstorm or blare of trumpets to announce the beginning of a new month or year. Even when a new century begins it is only we mortals who ring bells and fire off pistols." — Thomas Mann, German author (1875-1955).