Extra! Extra! I'm getting annoying breaking news on my cell phone!!!

Like a lot of people today, I like to get news updates as soon as they happen.  I have alerts set up for my cell phone, my two-way pager, and my email.   In light of events during the past few weeks, I have been getting quit a bit of breaking news updates.   However, this is getting a bit ridiculous.   While I was busy getting ready to head out of the office for the week, I get the following "Breaking News" from ABC:  

Breaking News from ABCNEWS.com:

 

COUPLE PLEADS GUILTY TO PUTTING FINGER IN WENDY'S CHILI  

 

 How is this relevant to anything that I need to know?   I assumed these "alerts" I signed up for would let me know if something important was happening in the world, not this tabloid crap.   I'd like to thank ABC News for wasting my anytime minutes.