The Diaries of A Dog and Cat

A friend of mine sent this to me yesterday.  I'm not sure who the original author is, but this is one of the funniest things I have ever read.   Enjoy!

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 EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:

8:00 a.m. Oh, boy!  Dog food!  My favorite!

9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride!  This is a blast!

9:40 a.m. A walk in the park! Ate some crap...Delicious!

10:30 a.m. Getting rubbed and petted!  I'm in love!

12:00 p.m. Lunch!  Yummy!

1:00 p.m. Playing in the yard!  I just love it!

3:00 p.m. Staring adoringly at my masters...they're the best!  I'll wag my tail in joy.
 
4:00 p.m. Hooray!  The kids are home!  I'm bouncing off the walls!

5:00 p.m. Milkbones!  Great!

7:00 p.m. Get to play ball!  This is too good to be true!

8:00 p.m. Wow! Watching TV with my master!  Heavenly!

11:00 p.m. Sleeping at the bottom of my master's bed!  Life is soooooooo great!


EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:

Day 683 of My Captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ''good little hunter'' I am. The audacity!! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.  The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released--and he seems more than willing to return! He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant-- I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe........ for now.